By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established;  through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures.    --Proverbs 24:3,4

If I call a repairman to fix our dishwasher, and if he doesn't have the skill to fix my particular machine, but instead takes it upon himself to go about fixing the toaster, a lamp, and an electrical outlet, and then presents me with a bill for three hours of work, (while the dishwasher is still broke), should I pay him? Couldn't he argue that he did so much work, and after all, he did fix things that needed fixing. He may feel like he did a lot of work, and in fact, he did, but he didn't fix what was broke. Therefore no money!

Well, it's no different with marriage. When there's a problem no amount of work in other areas will bring us the reward we seek until we fix the problem. A husband could buy all the gifts in the world for his wife, but if  she needs time with him, he's just wasting his money building a false sense of security thinking that he will compensate for what he hasn't fixed. Forget it. It won't work. Likewise, a wife who isn't sexually available for her husband shouldn't be lulled into thinking that a clean house will make up for a lack of sex. It won't happen.

Don't get me wrong. Those other things are good. We should be buying gifts and keeping a clean house, but don't for a minute think they will compensate for what is broke in the marriage. You're simply wasting your energy. You might feel like you're working on your marriage, like the ill trained repairman who certainly felt he was putting in a good day's work, but it's only wasted energy if you're not fixing what's broke. Identify the problem and fix what's broke.

QUESTION FOR THE BOTH OF US: Do you think I try to compensate for not fixing what's broke in our marriage by doing other things?  How?

 PRAYER FOR THE BOTH OF US: Lord, help us to identify the problem and work to fix it, without trying to compensate by doing other things that just won't fix the problem.